got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
