Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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