I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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