Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
