I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
