Only a mothe r could love this liver
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
