i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
