you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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