I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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