He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
this is an emotional support booty call
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
