FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
