I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
