i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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