$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
