You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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