Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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