we have pet lesbian snakes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
