you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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