I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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