wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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