so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
