What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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