I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
