There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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