Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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