The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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