Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
