I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
