mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
