I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
