I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's shark week go big or go home
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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