if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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