Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
