he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
