his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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