Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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