do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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