he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
