Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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