I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
