so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need a beard to bite.
There are leaves in my underwear?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
