Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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