the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
