What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
