i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
