saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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