i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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