U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
