remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
