I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
