How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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